Finding Joy

My blog has become for me, a place to complete my fragmented thoughts, so that I can process all that God is teaching me. I often feel as though my head will surely explode if I don't get the thoughts written out. As a busy mom; finding time to write or walking around with a full head, is not easy for the daily tasks at hand. Warning: this is a long post :)

So, when the homework assignment for the last (SAD) Wellspring asked me to consider 1 thing I have learned about God this year, I knew I would need to process via blog post. For me, the question is not to consider 1 thing. For me, is the question, how do I narrow down to 1 thing? God has been so gracious this year to continually reveal more of Himself to me! I am blessed.
We have covered in this order, Psalms 1, 19, 139, 23, 62, 77, 103, 119, 32, 51, 131, 73, 25, 3, 57, 88, 58, 22, 145, 33, 48. In case you need some reading for the summer :)
 After seeing all those typed out, how can I not have more than 1 thing? Wow!

*** I had the honor of giving glory to God this morning at Wellspring by sharing up front. Much of what I said is below. Fortunately, for the ladies there, I did not say all of the following :) Part of the reason for my sharing was to invite ladies to my home this summer to be in God's word. If you are local, please join us. ***

After being in the Psalms for 8 months, I have grown to expect much from my time in God's word. I have begun approaching the Bible with an expectation of being met by Him and being assured that "The LORD is trustworthy in all he promises and faithful in all he does." Psalm 145:13b My expectation is only the result of His Spirit meeting me as I read and meditate and pray. If God's word IS the Truth, why shouldn't I expect much?
I have perhaps for the first time in my life truly needed God's word. My hope has come from His word. "I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope" Psalm 130:5. That might sound a bit surprising because I have been studying The Bible for over 15 years. I think in the past, I have always read The Bible to learn more about My God, who loves me enough to die for me and to figure out what I can do to live for Him. I am not suggesting that either of those reasons are bad. But I have come to realize there is so much more!
The chronic pain that I have referred to numerous times on this blog has been what has taken me to my knees. I have needed God's word for strength and perseverance. "The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them." Psalm 145:19  
I kept looking for the verse that would promise me a comfortable life. Surely I could find at least 1 :) After all, didn't the verse above (Psalm 145:19) say He fulfills the desires of those who fear him. My desire, of course, that I be healed. But instead of promising a pain free life, He continually showed me that He was all I needed.
I began to see a bigger picture of My Creator, My Father in Heaven. I saw a God of grace and compassion and as I saw Him, he began to change my desire of feeling better.
You see when I am in the pit, I see Him more. When I am feeling my worst, He is my strength. If I cannot do it on my own, He is the One who gets the glory. In my post about being at home, I concluded, if I dwell in the House of the Lord, if I remember who I belong too, if I stay in His presence, then where I physically am [or how I physically feel] does not matter. If I gaze on His beauty, if my eyes are on Him, then they are not on myself [or my pain]. And if I seek him in his temple, if I am being led in his way, his will - not mine, is done.
By being in the Psalms this year, by drawing close to him out of desperation, by truly needing His word, He has given me a glimpse of what David (the writer of more than half of the Psalms) claims in Psalm 63. "I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory. Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you." Psalm 63:3
He has not changed my circumstance (although I believe He is fully capable), but now the joy that I have comes from knowing Him not in being healed. What a gift! This feels huge. It does not stop there!
And suddenly my worlds have collided. Well, I should say my two bible studies have collided. On Thursday nights EJ and I are in a home group with 11 members of our church. We have recently begun reading this book about ministering to the poor. We have begun asking ourselves what it looks like to serve the poor. Who are the poor? How did Jesus serve the poor? How does our church serve the poor?
If God has not changed my circumstance and yet through His word I have been satisfied with joy and hope. Can that not be true for the poor? What if their circumstances don't appear to change, but their hearts do? What if the joy that comes from knowing Him, is enough? Can I offer Jesus to others? Yes. Can I change their circumstances? Probably not.
Until now I didn't think offering Jesus was enough. When I type that out it sounds really bad. But in truth we all think that in one way or another, don't we? I guess I didn't think Jesus was enough for me either. I thought feeling better would bring my joy.
Please don't think I am comparing my chronic pain with the extremely hurting/hungry/abused/orphaned people in our world. I am merely realizing that my faith is small. "The LORD is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made." Psalm 145:9 
His compassion just might not look the way we think it will.

I am excited to be in the Psalms again through the summer. We will be reading Psalms: Authentic Worship for Today's Women by Sue Edwards. I am looking forward to what God will teach me and the other women who join me. We will meet on Tuesday evenings beginning June 7th. Pray for me and my family!

phew, if you got to the end, thanks for sticking with me :)