Stepping Back

The bonding and attachment process following an adoption is unique to each individual. There is no specific guide to guarantee a child will feel loved and secure and safe in their new family and certainly no set time frame for which this will occur.

In the beginning, it was very important that Avery see EJ and I as her ONLY providers, comforters and authority figures, to name a few! Our family and friends have been so gracious and patient.

We have said "no" to lots of activities and obligations this fall as a family and individually. We are still very very busy. I hate to think what we had done if we had said "yes" more often.

I have made some small sacrifices to my schedule for this very reason. I would do it again in a heart beat, but that doesn't mean it's easy. 

In the spring, I decided I would no longer be on the steering committee for our Women's weekly Bible study. I also decided I would not attend the studies either. SAD! I have been going for NINE years! It was often the 1 thing I had for "me" in a whole week. It was a JOY each week, I miss it for sure!

The other thing I put on hold, was going to the gym. Sure, I could get up at the crack of dawn, but I wasn't sure how Avery would sleep initially. Thankfully that hasn't been an issue. My membership was "frozen" until mid Oct. I miss working out. It's kinda of crucial to keep my chronic muscle pain at bay, and I was nervous to give it up, but I have felt fine. PTL! I am mostly worried about making it part of my routine again. I was finally in the habit of going the few months before we traveled and then abruptly stopped.

by Glorrie Photo

All this to say, it's October already! Avery is doing fantastic with attachment and bonding, but it also hasn't really been tested. I am nervous that the attachment doesn't run very deep. While I want her to be okay without me, I don't really want her to be okay. Something I really haven't worried about before with my boys. We will continue to reassure her of our love and commitment, but we are sensing it's time to start "letting go" a little (much sooner than I expected). This photo Jenn took seemed appropriate, don't you think?

Sunday morning nursery is the main priority at this point. We are easily distracted in the worship service with her busy-self nearby ;) Next, will be the gym childcare.

Today, my mom watched Avery and Ryan while I took the older 2 to the dentist. This was the first time I left her (awake) with someone other than EJ. Mim stayed with her while she napped. Avery did great and she was so happy to see me again. She also didn't want me to put her down. Which kind of made cooking dinner extra exciting ;)

Who knows maybe EJ and I will go on a date sometime soon! Thankfully I have not felt tied down. I have been eager to "be" with her and my family. I am grateful I feel this way!