It is still such a delight to watch this little girl in action. The boys were in the other room playing some strange version of indoor football with a basketball. I choose to watch this one instead ;)
A year ago, EJ and I were faced with a very difficult decision. We had fallen head over heels for a little girl whose referral we'd been given. Several days after we said "yes," we got some very difficult and conflicting information. After lots of praying and crying (me) we had to say "no."
I would love to say that seeing my daughter's precious face look up at me now, makes those aches disappear, but that is not true. The aches have faded with time, but I am often reminded of all 3 little girls to whom we said "no." I pray their families have found them. Orphan care is ongoing (that is a promise in scripture). I have forever been changed (I prayed that I would be). There is no going back to my old self. I am thankful, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.
How much more does the Father ache for his children?
I can not fathom. Enough to go to the cross for us.
I have never in my life needed or felt His grace as much as I did when we said "no" to "Lotus", "Precious Cloud" and "Bright Morning." I felt it, I truly did and I was humbled beyond measure that He is capable of loving each of his children and welcomes them into His family.
I have no doubts that I needed these lessons before saying "yes" to "Beautiful, Graceful" (Avery). I am thankful each day that He chose me to be her momma.
"A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows,
is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families..."
Psalm 68:5-6
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